Week 2 and 3 Memories made, weakness faced, magic revealed

 So this will be a review of the last couple of weeks.  I won't go into every detail, but give a short synopsis of how things went.

First of all we went on a vacation to Colorado to see our friends Lynn and Linda and spend time with the donkeys.  I also had a race with Leo (the best donkey in the world) in Creede.  A 10.5 mile race at elevation.  I posted this on Facebook about our adventure.  He is a magical creature that I absolutely adore.

Creede donkey race report.

AKA the mountain race of many magical things.

AKA the race that Leo saved me and I saved him, both of us for what we felt was imminent death.

AKA crying does happen in donkey racing.

I have said from day one that every outing with a donkey is always a learning experience, not just for the human but for the donkey too.

This was another amazing experience for us both.

To begin with, this race began at 1:00pm, which makes it tricky for what to eat and when. I ate a good breakfast of avocado, bacon, berries and a couple bites of French toast casserole. I packed snacks in the saddle on Leo.

Speaking of his saddle when we got him saddled up we had to make some adjustments to his straps. It seemed too loose which Kevin pointed out compared to some of the other donkeys. I agreed. I took Lynn, Kevin, Alexis Drane and I to get it right!!

I decided to dress in Red White and Blue displaying great pride for our country. Leo who loves attention as much as treats enjoyed having his picture taken several times. The town of Creede all flooded Main Street for the race and commented on what a ha da one boy he was. As mentioned, he loves attention as much as treats. Today, he really, really, really loved the intoxicating smell of scrumptious dandelions.

It became his sole focus to find the perfect dandelion to eat, much to my encouraging to not do that. As such when the gun went off, due to our discussions about the dandelions. I was facing forward and he was facing backwards. Ass to ass.

They say how your race begins will be how it goes.

I got him turned around and we ran for a bit.

Going into this I was concerned about the elevation. The start of the race is at 8,898 feet. We have been in Colorado since Wednesday and I had hoped that I would be acclimated enough to run.

We ran for a bit and I was breathing hard. Damn. This is going to be tough. Leo decided to walk. I welcomed it and got my breath back and I got him to run again and again he stopped and walked. We did this over and over. Until it was evident that he wasn’t going to continue to run and I was finding it difficult to breathe. Okay as long as we are making forward progress.

Throughout the race there is flowing water on either side of you. Never far from it. It was breathtaking. So gorgeous. Simply amazing. That water though was playing on Leo’s freak out sensor. He would stop and look at it forbiddingly often. I would reassure him and he would move forward.

At one part we had to make a right hand turn over a bridge of roaring death (water) and he wouldn’t go. He tried to go back to the start. We ended up walking backwards, yes, backwards 30-40 feet across it and into the aid station that was on the corner. I guess he needed to keep an eye on the River of death. I don’t know. It was forward progress even if we walked backwards.

As we wound our way along the road progressively going up, the breathing was getting more challenging and the road was getting a little more narrow. Leo would stop and question me with his big brown eyes if this was a good idea or not.

We ran into other runners and donkeys and chatted with them and moved along. We passed a few pairs and I was feeling like we were getting into our rhythm.

That water though. Dang I had to pee. I had been told multiple times to drink tons of water to fight off altitude sickness. But, we were making good progress and I had a fella and his donkey close by and he didn’t need to see my bare ass! Additionally, I thought if Leo gets another taste of those scrumptious dandelions, we may be done for.

I decided when we got to the next aid station (there were 6 I think) that I would kindly ask someone to hold Leo while I went pee so he wouldn’t graze while he waited on me. It worked out. I pulled some grass and gave it to him as a thank you for waiting for me. Already quit breathless at this time I asked how much more climbing is there? She said, oh the climbing is just beginning.

Oh my. It wasn’t weakness in my legs. It was my lungs. Well, let’s get it done and we moved on. For a little bit.

Leo kept stopping and looking back and down where we came from. I thought maybe we went the wrong way. He has told me before that we went the wrong way. Then we saw a donkey and runner coming down the hill. I asked if we went the wrong way and he said no. He hurt his knee and couldn’t risk further injury so he was heading back.

Oh good. See Leo, we are going the right way.

Leo, having done this race before had some other things on his mind. I can’t read donkey minds. They don’t use words I understand. However, I am pretty sure this what he was trying to tell me.

1. That donkey is going back to where we came from. Why in all of the scrumptious dandelions should we go forward?

2. I know what is coming and it is straight up and some horrifying death water awaits.

3. You sound like you may die and I don’t want to be responsible for carrying you out because I already have this big saddle and pretty decorations. I don’t want them messed up by your dead body.

4. This was fun and now it isn’t fun.

5. You can’t go anywhere without me so I will just stand right. Here. Forever. I am a donkey. I will. Not. Move.

So we didn’t move. I tried and tried. At one point he did an impressive side step up the hill, see video.

He wouldn’t go. I tried snacks. I checked if his saddle was hurting him. I checked his feet. I checked for any obvious signs of distress. No sweating. No cuts. No rub marks. Nothing. He wouldn’t move. I began to cry. Irrational I know. We were less than halfway and not moving. I was embarrassed for not knowing how to move him. I couldn’t let go of the rope to wave my hands behind him or he would bolt back down the hill. I couldn’t just turn circles on the hill because he would take us further back to where we came. Nothing worked. I almost sat down. I begged and pleaded and cried. He did seem concerned I was crying but referenced his points from before.

Thankfully a gal named Heather and her donkey Pepsi (Carol VM) came along. I was never so grateful to see someone and another donkey. Normally, Leo is fine on his own with me. She walked past us and he didn’t go. So she got behind us and waved her arms while I applied pressure and release to get him going along with pleading and less tears. He finally moved. That particular mile took 40 minutes. We were stuck for at least 20-25 minutes.

Heather and Pepsi stayed with us for the rest of the race. I think it was good for all 4 of us to stay together. It is always great to make new donkey friends. We were the last 4 in. The story doesn’t end here.

We made the long climb to the highest point. 10,541 feet. Along the way Leo would stop, I was thankful so I could breathe and get my heart rate down. My head was killing me. I was dizzy. I wanted to puke. Altitude sickness. I was drinking water. Felt absolutely awful. I would try to recover and move on. Leo would pause and move on. It took awhile to figure it out, but, when he would stop would be exactly when I needed to stop to recover and when I recovered he would move forward. He was stopping for me. For me!! For me to be alright and move forward. Heather saw it too.

There are no words to describe how he knew I needed him to stop for a minute for me to recover. He was saving my life. All the time. All the time I was trying to get up the hill he was telling me that he was worried. When he stopped running early and I was breathing terrible, he was telling me that we will take it slow. I got you!!

We got to the top and started our decent finally. Finally, I would begin to feel better.

We saw Lynn at the aid station he was covering and I told him about Leonitus. That is his full name. Leo is my hero!!

It was all downhill from here.

We got to a canyon area that was absolutely gorgeous and so incredibly steep downhill. 18 percent!! Also on one side was roaring, not exaggerating, roaring water. It was so intense.

Leo was terrified. He was tense. Nostrils flared. Eyes big. He was so close to me. I had the entire lead in my hands. His body was touching mine. I talked to him the whole way telling him he was okay. It would be okay. I kept a hand on him and told him it would be done soon. Poor fella. I felt just awful for him. It was slippery too. I slipped a couple times. Pepsi and Heather were slipping too. It was so pretty though.

Kevin and the boys would be at the next aid station. I knew once Leo got through this he would be okay, we both would be. My breathing was better. My head hurt and my stomach wasn’t great but I didn’t feel like I would pass out at least.

The roaring water let up and calmed down. Leo relaxed and wasn’t as stressed and was visibly better. We saw Kevin and the boys and Leo immediately did a treat smile to Matthew and welcomed the love and affection from Kevin and the boys.

The 4 of us made our way to the finish line area. Leo in no hurry to run it in. He was funny as he was seeing his reflection on the windows and he would stop and look at that handsome hero in the window.

We walked in, not last ass. Pepsi and Heather were as Pepsi had no desire to run either. We all made it safe and that was all that mattered.

Brad M. Wann greeted us and gave Leo some loving. By now, Leo has one purpose. Get to the trailer and get the saddle off and some scrumptious dandelions. I agree sweet boy. Kevin wanted me to get a burger. I just wanted to help Leo.

As I walked to the trailer and emotional avalanche hit me. Hit me hard. Like a avalanche of freight trains.

I was bawling getting his saddle off. I was so proud of him. So incredibly proud of him. So moved by our emotional and physical connection to how he was when I was struggling. Upset and embarrassed that I am not a stronger runner for him. He deserves better. I can’t put it all into the right words to describe the love there is in my soul for this silly chunky donkey. I was a mess. He leaned into me and I hugged him and just cried. It has been such an emotional journey with Matthew and I needed this donkey more than I thought. I was just all over the place.

Linda, Alexis and Amber Wann talked with me while Kevin got me some vanilla milk, Tylenol, and Gatorade. I hadn’t eaten since breakfast.

Got Leo loaded in with everybody else and I got my act together the best I could and we headed home to South Fork. Got them unloaded and fed. Leo had a couple nice rolls in the dirt. His favorite thing to do after a race. His saddle was perfect for this race.

We all sat around later with Heather Wilson and Eero Allison talking about our race experiences. I am incredibly envious about their speed and their experiences. I get down on myself with that. I am trying to better myself and get faster. The elevation just got me so bad this time. With that being said, I wouldn’t trade my journey with Leo for a first place finish. I love this connection with him and I treasure every moment and challenge. Just as much as the front runners do. Ours just seems to take a little longer.

Thank you for reading if you made it this far. We will do this race again. I will do some elevation training to prepare better for sure. Next year the race should start earlier which will help too.

Love, Leonitus my hero and his crazy running human (godmother).

I got so many kind responses and motivational words that really lifted me up. One of the comments was a video that really hit home. It is a Miley Cyrus song before she went off the deepend and got a little crazy. I always loved the song, the lyrics really speak to me. Seem more so now.

I can almost see it

That dream I'm dreaming

But, there's a voice inside my head saying

You'll never reach it

Every step I'm taking

Every move I make feels

Lost with no direction

My faith is shaking

But I, I gotta keep trying

Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be an uphill battle

Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing

The chances I'm taking

Sometimes might knock me down, but

No, I'm not breaking

I may not know it

But these are the moments, that

I'm gonna remember most, yeah

Just gotta keep going

And I, I gotta be strong

Just keep pushing on, 'cause

There's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be an uphill battle

Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb

Yeah

There's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be an uphill battle

Sometimes you're gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb

Yeah, yeah

Keep on moving, keep climbing

Keep the faith, baby

It's all about, it's all about the climb

Keep your faith, keep your faith

Whoa

I know the Cocodona race is going to make me face a lot of really hard times.  It is expected that it will break me down into tears and make me feel that I can't do this.  That I am a fraud, a jogger, a non-runner, a non-ultra runner.  I know that in this journey to the race I will (and have) felt all of this.

But...that is part of the process.

Our week in Colorado was absolutely amazing.  We were busy everyday as a family and with the donkeys.  I came home motivated to get stronger and get things going.  Matthew is doing better.  My level of worry about him has dropped a couple thousand notches and that stress isn't eating me up anymore.  Stress is an evil monster that will make your body do some crazy things.  Make you eat like crap.  Drink to much. Self pity. 

The Colorado trip turned things around.

I got home and I was 7 pounds lighter!!  On June 24th I am 10 pounds lighter than when I began this on 1 June. My confidence is better and I am super motivated to continue.  I have put in more miles in the week after Colorado.  I have been doing more weight vest lunges and squats.  The heat is cranking up which is always a bigger beast to deal with.  

I bought some wide brimmed hats to shade me more which really seem to make a big difference.  I also got some  new compression shorts to run in.  

I know it may sound silly but, I organized my running gear so there are no excuses.  Like I am guilty of, laying there contemplating running or not and using the excuse, it is so hard to find the right tank top, shorts, or that one shirt that I really like and then a whole tangent heavy in procrastination begins.....

I think that there is as much mental and emotional training as there is physical training for this.  I have been working on my mindset towards my goals for Cocodona.  

I also recorded my blog for the crew perspective for Cocodona for The Endurance House Podcast.  You can hear it here if you want.

Cocodona Podcast recording

When I recorded it, it got me all motivated and excited to get this done.

I am constantly thinking of plans and scheming training runs to get me ready. The huge variable right now is the heat.  More night running or very early in the darkness runs are a must right now.

In the words of the song:

The struggles I'm facing (The heat, personal stress)
The chances I'm taking  (Taking on Cocodona)
Sometimes might knock me down, but (Hard race in Creede, life kick in the pants)
No, I'm not breaking ( I will not BREAK)

I will wake up every day and RUN!!!

Week 1-Faith, Family, Friends, Feathers and some failures

 Week 1 of the plan has been a roller coaster.

Not the roller coaster at the high class amusement parks, like the ones at some parking lot set up overnight by some shady carnival workers.  No offense to carnival workers, but, this roller coaster has loose bolts and termite eaten wood.

Week started out pretty good with Memorial Day weekend, some family time, although we were concerned about Matthew having a new pain on his side when he would try to breathe in.  He was scheduled for surgery on Wednesday 2 June to finally get his appendix out.  On Tuesday he would get a chest x-ray and COVID test.  The surgery would be done laproscopicaly and should be pretty easy.

We planned a trip to Fool Hollow leaving Sunday June 8, then onto Colorado and back home on the 15th.  So, the surgery should be cut and dry and he would be home in time to go on our trip.  Easy Peasy.

Tuesday I went to the movies with Cecilia and we saw Cruella which was very good.  I had popcorn and hot tamales candy.  A major weakness, but with most things, it isn't something I do all of the time.  We needed some Mom and Cecilia time and I was happy we went.

Wednesday came and he went in for surgery.  It took longer than expected.  Seems that because Matthew does everything difficulty and with flair, that it was difficult.  Surgeon said it was really messy in there and that he had several adhesions on his abdominal wall to the surounding organs and in his intenstines that she had to remove. She wanted him to stay for a couple days to make sure he was okay.

He couldn't stop vomitting.  He was in so much pain.  He couldn't eat.  He was taking fluids and meds in via IV, nausea meds and pain meds.  He had a low grade fever.  Absolutely miserable.  He was in a different hospital then the last hospital, so getting used to new sounds, staff etc. on top of feeling miserable was a lot.

So went back into hospital mode.  Kevin stays one night, Noelle stays another.  I deliver food.  Matthew tries to feel better.

Through all of this Matthew has had pretty good spirits, following this surgery, he didn't which made things a lot harder.  Such an emotional roller coaster.  Excited that the surgery is over, but miserable because he seemed worse.

I came home from work Wednesday and had some wine and club crackers.  Maybe (yes, absolutely) too mamy club crackers.  It was a fail on my part to not have any self control!

I talked with my Mom for awhile which was nice.

Thursday I had an appointment to get my hair done and was in such a great mood because who doesn't like to get their hair done and Matthew should be better today.  I got done with my hair and took dinner to the hospital.  He wasn't better.  He was worse.  Like this will never end for him.  He just needs to get better.

I left the hospital and decided to stop off at a scary Fry's on the way home to get more wine, eggs and low carb ice cream.  It was pathetic.  A homeless woman slammed into me and I almost started crying. Here I am with pretty hair and a broken soul.  It was so hot out still that even going for a run couldn't make it better.  So I came home, drank some wine, ate low carb ice cream and cried.  I just don't know how much more Kevin can take, how much more our family can take, how much more Matthew can handle.

I text my girlfirends and had a little meltdown with them.  They are so sweet and have been very supportive.  They all want to help but, all that will help is to make Matthew better.

My daughter posted on FB, if I called you with tears in my eyes at midnight would you answer.  I commented yes of course.

I went to bed.  Had a missed call from my daughter at 11:33pm.  I freak out.  Call her, text her, go on all of her social media.  Couldn't get a hold of her.

Kevin texts from the rounds with the doctor that because Matthew is not improving, he will stay in the hospital until the following week.  His intestines from all of the adhesions were so messed up that they need to settle down.  

I completely breakdown.  I have patients to see and I am bawling.  What is going on with the world.  What is wrong with Cecilia and why won't Matthew get better.  What has our family done to deserve all of this?  I had to pull it together.  

I text my friends yet another meltdown. I have to be strong for Kevin and William.  I have to pull it together.  I have patients to see.

I dry my eyes.  Show must go on.  Realistically I should have cancelled my patients but, it isn't their fault I am falling apart and they need my help.

During my first patient visit, Cecilia calls me.  As soon as I am done I ask her what's wrong, are you okay, are you in trouble.  She was calling me about if she should go to urgent care because of her eye.  Her cat scratched her over the weekend and it was getting worse.  She didn't mean to make me freak out. Too late.

I finish seeing the patients and ask if Kevin wants me to bring him anything and he says no.  It is so hot and I can't go into the hospital to see Matthew.  So I just head home until he gets home.

I am part of a FB group that has exercise, running challenges.  During baseball season we do a thing where we are all on teams and we play games against each other.  But, it is all running/walking/biking/swimming.  1 mile is a bunt, 3 miles is a base hit, 6 miles is a double hit, 9 miles is a triple, 12 and over is a home run.  We make the most points with 3 mile "repeats', you have to wait 30 min between hits.  Last year this group really got me out of a running funk and I was able to do a 50K of 3 mile repeats for our final game, which we won for the season.  Keep in mind, it is all on FB, I don't know any of my teamates.  You have to show proof of your mileage.  We have all grown close through personal struggles and celebrated many personal victories with each other.  So on Saturday we had a playoff game and I wanted to get in some 3 mile repeats.  I was able to get in 2 3 milers in the morning and had plans for at least one more in the evening.  I did a bunch of errands and had a bunch of home things to take care of that I didn't get in any more for the evening.  We ended up tieing with our "opponent", we move onto round 2 of the playoffs.

                                                                    Fruit from the Saguaros

I got things ready though for an early run up Wasson Peak, another double W.  Kevin was staying at the hospital so I could wake up early and not worry about waking him up.  

As I was getting things ready, trying out a couple baby foods to see how they settle in my tummy etc. 

The baby food has about 60 calories per pack, easy to digest.  Had the olives and pickles at the top. V8, strawberries, blueberries in between and after.  Not all of them, a smaller portion.

These are avocado in one and sweet potato in the other.

I notice some bruising on the inside of my right foot.  My right foot has been giving issues since the beginning of the year.  Sort of like plantar faciaitis, like achilles tendonitis.  It just hurts. I am using compression and taping which helps. It will hurt towards the end of a run and after, the next day, nothing at all. I really need to get it looked at.  But, because I was bored I googled bruising on inside of foot to see what would come up.

Lupus. What google MD? Lupus was one of the first things that came up!! So I looked at the symptoms and I am sure it isn't Lupus.  I saw a lot of other possible life ending diseases and I think I have concluded it is brusiing from something I did and don't remember doing.

I set the alarm, not early enough.  I don't know what I was thinking.  Maybe it is Lupus?  My plan was to be at the trailhead at 4:30, why wake up at 4 when it takes 30 min to drive there?  Then I didn't plug in my watch.  It was at 11%, dang, maybe I should get tested for what is wrong with my ankle.....

Feed the animals.  Fuss at the dogs to come in and realized I forgot to turn the water off running into the pool last night!!!! Serioulsy, it didn't overflow yet.  My brain is broken. 

Got my cooler and everything loaded in the car, watch to 49% and headed to the trailhead.  Much later than planned.  I started at 5:55.  Fail.

It was already hot. 

My first route up Wasson I found a feather.  I picked it up and put it in my pack, I was going to show Matthew it.  I am sure it was a raven feather, but I wanted to show him.  It fluttered out.  I picked it up and put back in my pack.  It fluttered out again, and again.  Finally, I held it in my hand and thought, you need to fly away.  I won't confine you, cage you and not let you fly.

I got to the top and open my phone to text Kevin I made it to number one.  I see the best message from him that Matthew had such a fantastic night and has been keeping food down--that he may be able to come home this afternoon!!

I aslo get a message from Matthew.  

"Ready to do splatter experiment when I get home?"

I had tears rolling down my face.  Absolutely.  I told him about the feather and that it came to me as a metaphor for what he has been going through.  He would try to get away and get better and fly and it would pull him down and confine him.  Now, he is free to fly like a feather.

I went back down and loaded up my pack and buff with ice and headed back up.  Again the second one kicked my ass.  It is a doozy going back up again.  It was so hot.  

I tried using an umbrella to block the sun, which seemed to work at first until a gust of wind came and there I am with an inside out umbrella.  Maybe a stronger umbrella.  The one I had was pretty cheap.  It did help though with blocking the sun, I could feel the difference.

What a dummy with not getting here an hour earlier.  I felt a little bit stronger though, like a tiny bit.  I found another feather, from a woodpecker and I carried it to the top of the second one.  I let it free and said thank you to the Good Lord for making Matthew better for him to come home!!!

I made it back down, glad to be done.  I didn't run out of water with carrying another water bottle and my last water in the pack was coolish with filling it with ice, so that was better.  Overall my time was longer, but my actual pace was better and moving time was better. I am not moving to 3x until I feel stronger doing 2x.  I know I spent more time at the top and with my refuel with the ice.

On the way home I checked in with Kevin about when Matthew was coming home.  Docs said maybe tomorrow, get two more good meals in him before they release him.  But, he is coming home!! 

So week one was kind of a mess.  I didn't lose any weight.  Didn't run as much as I should have and didn't do any strength training.  I failed at some things, had some meltdowns, stress was super high....

There are a lot of great things that happened.  

• Matthew got better and he is coming home on Monday
• I was a little stronger on my double W.
• My Faith has been challenged and restored.
• I was also contacted by a person on FB about my Cocodona Crew report to read it for his podcast.  I need to record it still and email it over.
• We are still planning our trip to Colorado.
• I backed the camper in the driveway with less directions from Kevin.
• I bought some lottery tickets, because with the "luck" we are having, seems appropriate to see if we can win millions.  We won 14 dollars so far, the big drawing is Tuesday.  The 14 bucks made us even, so even if we don't win the big one, no money lost.

Next week will be amazing!!  Colorado. Cool temps. Donkeys.  Friends.